a little bit of reality [my life]

I'm not dead...yay. I haven't written in here for months, and I kind of feel bad. Oh well...I'm going to bring you all up to date with what has been going on with me. Well...my first year of college ended at the end of April, and I've been home for the summer. I went on my trip to California at the beginning of May, and I had an amazing time. I spent the most time in San Francisco, but I also visited some vineyard and coastal areas. Things have been pretty uneventful since the trip ended but, I'm not complaining. It's nice to be back home, and I definitely needed some time to "recharge" after this year. Anyways, I hope you all are doing well. I'll try to update a little more frequently!

Instead of Europe, I'm going to be taking a trip to California this May. A trip to Europe is just way too hectic to plan at this point. Anyways, the trip is going to start out in San Francisco and end in...?...[everything else is not certain yet]. I'm super excited about going to California, and I can't wait! This is yet another reason why school needs to end a.s.a.p.! Seriously, school is killing me. I'm sososo ready to leave this place.

So, I'm back at school because spring break has officially ended. To be completely honest, I really don't want to be here whatsoever. However, I don't think it should be too bad because school ends in about a month. Plus, I have plans for many of the upcoming weekends, so the remaining month should go by pretty quick. This school year just really needs to end, so I can start my four-month summer!

Spring break has been nice so far. I've been taking it pretty easy...hanging out with friends/family, sleeping in, going out to eat, the beach, shopping, etc. Basically, I've been living my life the way it used to be [before I started college]. Seriously, my life is so different at home. Sometimes, I feel like I lead two different lives, haha. Oh, and it looks like I'm going on a trip to England and France this May. That's rather exciting!

Edit: The trip to Europe is not definite at the moment because other locations are being considered.

Last night turned out to be really nice. I went out to dinner with some friends and then we all went downtown for the Mute Math show. We had a little bit of trouble finding the club, but we managed to get there with some time to spare. The club itself had a pretty cool vibe. It was really intimate, so you could see the performance well from anywhere. Anyways, Vedera opened for Mute Math, and they were good, but Mute Math definitely stole the show. The energy was amazing. Oh, and I got a Mute Math shirt and CD, which has made me very happy, haha.

( Photos )

Tonight, out of sheer boredom, I went to the library. I felt really out of place, but in a strange way. I felt like a child surrounded by adults. It seems like just yesterday, I was a kid. It's really amazing how fast time seems to fly by. As I get older, time seems to go by quicker. That's kind of good in some ways, but it's also rather scary.

My mind wanders at times. I find myself doing things that I can't seem to control [or can I?]. I find myself completely lost and in a haunting state. How can things be so optimistic one day and totally dark the next? I don't know. I've talked about it with those closest to me and that helps, but I can never seem to completely conquer my problem. I used to think that I was being logical, but I've realized that I have been hurting myself [how is that logical?]. I'm really trying to get better, and I hope that one day, I will be completely liberated from such shackles.

I'm tired of the blasting music. I'm tired of constantly waking up to banging and moaning [at least move the fucking bed away from the wall, which I think is directly adjacent to my bed]. I'm tired of sharing a room and bathroom. I'M TIRED OF LIVING IN A DORM. Seriously, I can't wait until next year because I'm going to get my own room and bathroom. Haha, I probably sound like such a spoiled asshole, but whatever. Living in dorms has been a huge adjustment for me because I'm an only child. Therefore, I've always had my own bedroom and bathroom. I'm also a relatively private person, which makes it even more difficult to share a room with a complete stranger. Honestly, I'm surprised that I have managed to live this way for six months.

I used to be an avid writer on LiveJournal about a year ago. I traded it in for the ever so trendy MySpace. However, I found MySpace to be highly superficial. The problem with MySpace is that it's simply a means for people to get attention. It's all about who gets the most comments/friend requests/etc. and there really is no purpose served. Hence, I deleted it and have come back to LiveJournal. Anyways, I never thought I'd actually rejoin LiveJournal [mainly because some bad memories were expressed in my old journal]. However, I try not to dwell in the past. I think it will do me some good to express my feelings. I also don't care if anyone reads this journal or not. I'm really just doing this for myself.